Art is When You Take Something Big and Make It Small, So That Others Can Make It Big Again.

Over Thanksgiving break I had a conversation with one of my husband's cousins and it went a little something like this. He was talking about what it was like to be in seminary in New York City and how whenever he needed a break from cloistered life he would take in a show in the theatre district. One of the plays that he had seen was based off of a group of people who were living in Israel and who wanted to go to Egypt. The adventure took place with the backdrop of lots of conflict and collisions of worldviews surrounding them. My comment was that it seemed like such a big idea that had somehow been dwarfed into a play so that others could take it and somehow make it big again. "Exactly", he replied with glee in his eyes. You see, that's what art really is. Art is taking something big and making it small, so that others can then take it and make it big again.

I recently gave birth to our second child a daughter, Natalie and I have been over the moon excited to be raising up our infant girl. I've also been extremely careful in this second go round to not to loose myself in mothering her. I experienced a fair bit of anxiety when I first became a mother with my son and that snowballed for the first few years of his life until I finally came to a point where I could no longer try to make his life perfect. I think that a lot of first time mothers and especially perfectionistic educated mothers fall into this pit fall. We feel like we should be able to conquer all of their challenges for them. The truth is that motherhood is really the art of becoming so wonderfully intertwined with your child and then slowly letting them go throughout the years so that they may flourish. It's breathtaking and heartwrenching all at the same time.

When we took our daughter home, I made a point of getting ready every day and taking a selfie to post to Instagram as part of my intentional self care. You know, it worked. It really did, I found myself getting excited each day to put on the mascara and to find an outfit so that I could show up in my life on purpose. So often, I feel that we put homemaking at such a low level of value and certainly assume that we can have it all and somehow our homes will also be made cozy without much time, or care put into them. When I chose to stay home it wasn't a forever stance, but one of necessity to take care of our son in a move with our income and where I found the needs of my child to be. I also desperately wanted to be home and I am so glad that I put all of these needs first and chose to stay home. I also found that my value was diminished by myself and by others for staying home. I choose to get ready every day on purpose while pursuing my calling to be a mother at home because I have found that this job is not only incredibly hard it is also important. It is my first calling and that is not true for every other family. I love and respect that motherhood has many different forms and purposes, but that my role in being a main support giver in motherhood is vital and important to my family.

I also started watching "The Office" to keep things light and with that came "A Quite Place" each of which stared John Krasinski because apparently if you like "The Office" Youtube automatically sends you clips of his other work. Boy, am I glad that they did. Each of these works included incredibly moving underlying themes of family and it's importance. Also, of sacrifice and real true love in real true life. I was bawling over both and I've never had a more cafe free and poignant experience carrying for a newborn. I like to joke that our second baby is actually our Zoloft baby, since I'm on an extremely low dose of it to make sure that I'm staying afloat postpartum. However, it's also I believe because of the self care that I have put in from falling during postpartum yoga poses to laughing and crying alongside "The Office" that have made my life feel amazing in welcoming our daughter to this world. I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude over the actors of these two pieces of work who took something big like family and made it small into a tv show and a movie. So, that I could take this small tv show and a movie and turn it into my inspiration for why I am here in this calling of motherhood standing in the waves that keep crashing over me laughing my head off and feeling not alone in my quest to love and to protect my family.

#change #anxiety #motherhood #postpartum #TheOffice